What's the balance between not being to hard on yourself and allowing yourself to be lazy?That's a fantastic question, and I think the answer lies understanding the difference between your actions in the past vs. your actions in the future. Softening is good for the past. Energy (the opposite of laziness) is good for the future.
I accept that I did not achieve a goal and did not accomplish something I wanted to. That is ok, and I still love myself despite that. When something is in the past, there is no use punishing yourself for it. So accept it, soften, and embrace yourself for everything you did accomplish.
I do not accept that I will not achieve my goals in the future. I will not be lazy. That is, in fact, a poor way of saying it. It is better to say I will be proactive and energetic in achieving what I want.That is the future. Do not accept failure in the future, so feel free to press yourself as hard as you want for things you intend to accomplish and do in your life.
Laziness is a state of being that predicts the future. The fact that I didn't finish the last page of my thesis tonight wasn't laziness. It was fact. It's also fact that I did finish 3 pages before that last page.
Laziness would be "I don't intend to finish that last page the rest of this week because I can be easy on myself." That's an attitude about the future that's counterproductive.
So, once again. Once things are past, and you can't control them, accept mistakes and forgive yourself. Soften. For the future, do not be lazy - be proactive - be energetic - strive to get things done.
Another way to put this is: "Don't dwell on the past and on things you can't control. Think about what you can control and what you will do next."
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